Saturday, November 22, 2008

why Andre Benjamin > Twilight

Why? Only because Idlewilde sent me into labor with The Biscuit, and despite the magnificence of Twilight and my 10-minutes-apart contractions throughout it, I am still stolidly 2 people in one troublesome, bloated body.

But I digress. And enjoy using '>' more than I should.

Ahem.

Dear Diary,

Saw Twilight tonight at 6:45 at our Totally 80's Theater, and it was *-.-*aWesOme!*-.-*

Yes, Dr. Crog and I were the only people in the theater over the age of 15, aside from a really amusing mom in her paralegal costume who sat in between her skater-esque tween boy and his cute little Jenny Weasley of a "girlfriend". Judging by his "The Three Best Things in Life are Football, Girls, and Partying" t-shirt, we expect he will have knocked someone up by 17 despite his mother's embarrassing hovering.

I had warned Dr. Crog of the demographic to expect, especially at such an early show, but we were both caught off guard by the insecurity and hormones roiling off the Twerds like stink off buffalo. We had such fun pointing out all the stereotypes and making fun of them quietly. "Oh, look at me, I bought a small, plastic corset at Hot Topic and think i'm da bomb, but my braces spoil the whole 'hot vampire' look."

Remember what it was like to be young and have to tell the entire world who you are all the time through your clothes? ::shiver:: Scary.

But I am absolutely sure no one made fun of me when I waddled out to the bathroom during a far-too-pivotal scene. Nothing funny about me at all. Waddle waddle waddle. Blockin' the screen.

I had insane contractions, especially through the first 45 minutes or so of the movie. Actually thought we might have to get up and run to the hospital, or, at the very least, escape out the back door if my water broke. Wouldn't you love to sit in that seat after me? HA! Alas-- I was just excited, and it calmed down.

Oh, yeah. The movie. It was great! Granted, i'm a huge sucker for the vamp genre, especially the romantic ones. I'm sure i've posted about it several times and even admitted to our soft spot for Queen of the Damned, possibly the worst vampire book adaptation ever. Although my internet research and magazine reading had led me to doubt the casting, it all worked well on-screen, even Peter Facinelli, aka "Mike Dexter is a GOD!" as Carlisle.

What, you don't like cheesy teen movies, too? Check out Can't Hardly Wait for some fine holiday fun, where Jennifer Love Hewitt walks constantly in a slow-mo spotlight and Seth Green attempts to be black while wearing goggles.

Digressing again. Okay. Casting was good. Soundtrack was excellent, very natural and yet impressive, the best kind. You never stop and think, "Oh, there's the music," you just walk out of the movie having enjoyed the integrated whole. They decently turned a big ol' book into an appropriately-sized movie without losing too much detail, although I missed all the well-written backstories and funny conversations.

I was especially impressed with Robert Pattinson's ability to express the anger, horror, humor, fascination, and infatuation Edward battles internally, most at the same time. The book portrayed him as an awkward but beautiful amalgamation of so many emotions, and the movie conveyed that well, although I cackled at his fury/hunger in biology transposed against a stuffed owl. And Bella did a great job as a heroin(e) who doesn't act like a heroine, somehow managing to remain a loner even among friends.

My complaints? Rosalie wasn't pretty enough. Jasper just looked like a constipated blond version of Edward Scissorhands without enough explanation of his motivation. Emmett should not wear his cap sideways. I don't think they chose the right actor to play Jacob. And although they did a better job than I had anticipated, the characters looked ridiculous running superfast and climbing trees and jumping. It's just bound to look silly.

Happy surprises? The art in the Cullen household was extraordinary. I wish I had the setpieces to hang in my own home, especially the cap collage. I was impressed that Robert Pattinson actually played the piano. I liked that they managed to make the baseball scene intriguing instead of just silly. I appreciated that they let the characters look ugly-- that Bella wasn't always flawless. Her closeups didn't include the usual caked-on mascara and manicured fingernails we see in movies, even on peasants and scullery maids.

And, as adults, Dr. Crog and I found it very comforting that even a super-beautiful 22-year-old guy chosen to play the most gorgeous, god-like, 17-year-old creature ever and coated in pancake makeup... had wrinkles. More wrinkles than we do.

Yeah, we're petty and vain. Why do you think we like vampires so much?

In conclusion, as much as I wish Baby Shmoo had already joined us, i'm really glad I had the chance to see Twilight in the theater. I have already extracted a promise to buy it on DVD, where we both look forward to seeing it again, this time without all the giggling and shushing and WOoOOoOoO!ing.

Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday fun.

Who knew that in one week, after devouring 4 books and a movie, I could go from completely oblivious adult to total dorky fangirl of a teen vampire romance series?

Oh, yeah. Anyone would guess that, wouldn't they?

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