Wednesday, July 16, 2008

MoOoOm! There's nothing to do!

Summer with a toddler reminds me a lot of being 12-- it's hot, you're lazy, and you want to be entertained without having to do any of the work. Oh, and thanks to pregnancy, I have the same raging hormones, too. I try desperately to plan something each day to last from morning through the magical 2:30 nap time, but so many mornings I wake up with nothing on the calendar and a yearning for free, easy, contained-within-gates-or-doors adventure.

So today, i'm considering:

1. Going to the gym and having lunch with my mom. The only problems are that it takes way too much energy to work out, and then i'm stinky afterwards, and then we're done eating lunch at 12:30 with two more hours to kill. On the upside, when I go to the gym in the morning, none of the gym employees on the level under the treadmills will be eating that stanky beef stew that makes me nervous of body odor. I seriously spend an hour in the evening going, "Is that me, or beef stew? ME or STEW??" and surreptitiously smelling my pits.

2. Going to lunch at the mall with my grandmother. The only problems are that it's a lot of trouble to corral Cleo at the mall, and I don't have any money to spend, which makes the mall a torture chamber. Lord only knows Gymboree will be featuring adorable baby boy clothes with hedgehogs, and i'll start crying into my maternity shirt. Plus, I think the food court has been under construction for about three years, so no carousel. And I can never tell if my grandmother is having a nice time or just sitting, clutching her purse in fear of the 21st century.

3. Go to an outdoor park. Again, lots of trouble chasing my child. And it's getting hot out. And there could be.... camps. Or daycares. And camps and daycares at the park are only slightly less annoying to deal with than packs of rabid, frothing dogs being ridden by caffeine-charged telemarketers with potato guns.

Unfortunately, my usual "exhaust her with a minimum of trouble" places are unavailable today. We can't go to The Coffee Park because I have to save my last 4 hours of the week for a KoalaMommas meeting tomorrow, and we can't go to Monkey Joe's, because they don't allow preggos on the moonwalks, so if she gets stuck, i'd have to ask a stranger for help. And not only do I *hate* talking to strangers, but they are notoriously rude at Monkey Joe's, for some unknown reason.

So here I am, in my pajamas, exhausted after 9 hours of sleep, trying to alternately pull my child out of the air conditioning vent and out from behind the couch, while using my remaining 3 brain cells to figure out a mutually beneficial way to exhaust her while resting myself.

I basically need a miniature version of the set from American Gladiators manned by 10 hirsute nannies, and that would be attached to a bakery/coffee shop/hibachi restaurant riddled with sleep number beds.

That would juuuust about do it.

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