Thursday, June 26, 2008

the joys of maternity clothing

Why am I wearing mostly extra large t-shirts from the Target Juniors' section with my favorite drawstring J-Lo cargo pants?

Because this season's maternity clothes are utter crap. In my humble opinion. I know i'm not a style guru, but I know ugly, and i'm seeing a lot of it. So, with respect to those with more fashion sense, I present my least favorite selections of the preggo world.

1. What that weirdo from The Ring will wear when pregnant:

For all of your creepy, crawling-out-of-a-well-backwards-while-pregnant needs. Seriously, it's like white noise crossed with a circus tent. This dress is probably pretty good for sneaking past security cameras.

2. Recycled from The Wonder Years and smelling mysteriously of cigarettes and tuna:
Or perhaps this "frock" fell through a time warp from Mama's Family. All you need is a wash-in perm and a big, floppy hat with a daisy in it. Whammo! Good to go, and it comes with a half-eaten tupperware of peach cobbler.

3. Mrs. Stuebing welcomes you to The Love Boat!

Bring some Vaseline for your teeth and Captain Stuebing's pate, and get ready for Isaac's signature maternity drink, The Cautionary Whale. Who would go yachting in any other steaming black woven cardigan? And wide, horizontal stripes are so slimming.

More later. My child demands that I deliver Farmer Jed as we watch Little People. I must find her a less annoying addiction.

All togs courtesy of Old Navy,, who had an amazing selection for my 2006 pregnancy but are utterly failing me this time around. Ahoy and avast, bad designers!


Emile said...

Wow, this is truly shocking and disheartening. I guess there's not much to look forward to this year...

spryngtree said...


Those clothes can't possibly be real, you made them up just to cause me pain. Especially that first dress, no one could have seriously designed that unless they hate women.

(avivaelona from mdc)

Jen said...

*snort* *giggle* can't wait for installment two. Perhaps it could be about my new pet peeve, "why there are no maternity shirts that don't have cap sleeves". With LOTS of visual proof.

it is a bad, bad scene out there for us preggo mamas.