Friday, April 4, 2008

an open letter to gymgoers

Dear flabby, pasty, middle-aged guys at my gym,

1. They're machines, not couches. If you're going to sit and sweat on them, do a couple of reps. And if you're going to do several sets, maybe back off for the 4 minutes you rest in between those sets to let someone else use the machines.

2. We know our bellydance class is fascinating, and we don't blame folks for looking at a bunch of chicks in coin skirts hip-shaking around a room to techno-Shakira. But seriously, if you're going to sit on the ab machine for 35 minutes to watch us with your mouth hanging open, at least do a couple of exercises and pretend you're not just a cheap, creepy pervert.

3. Wipe off the cardio machines when you're done. The gym actually provides antibacterial goo and hand towels for this purpose. No one wants to touch your stinky, wet sweat, much less slip on it and break a nose.

Seriously, it's only flabby, pasty, middle-aged white guys who annoy the tar out of me at the gym. What is wrong with you people?


Oh, P.S. Older women should majorly cut down the perfume usage at the gym. It's really the only place that you're expected to smell bad. It's like Jessica McClintock threw up in there.


stinestrain said...


Valerie said...

ha! Jessica McClintock barf! he he he!