Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Because… let's be honest.

You're not here to read about 2008 and breastmilk.

I've tried to move most of the popular and helpful-to-writers posts to the new site under the tab titled THE ARCHIVES. This includes posts on writing and dealing with sexism, depression, suicide, and rape. The important things.

Fairly soon, will reroute to

If you have feelings about this change, good or bad, please share in the comments.

I made the new site myself on SquareSpace, 
and this is not my forte, 
so constructive criticism, 
solid suggestions, 
and typo finding are appreciated.

Outright cruelty and DO IT DIFFERENT posts will be ignored.


Well, you and the unicorn.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

25 Reasons to Buy Wicked After Midnight This Week

Wicked After Midnight is available now from all bookstores-- links here!

And I really hope you'll buy it this week, if not today. Here are 25 reasons why.

  1. You're wicked.
  2. It's after midnight.
  3. You're wicked AND it's after midnight. You basically have no choice.
  4. It's the last book in the series, so even if you're one of those people who refuse to read a series until it's over, NOW'S YOUR TIME.
  5. You like Fantasy adventure stories that defy genre and expectation with imaginative worldbuilding, new races, new creatures, and plenty of excitement.
  6. You like Romance stories with sexy women, hot guys, tantalizing touches, searing kisses, and witty banter that culminate in hot encounters that don't use awkward, trope-y terms like “quivering womb” or “creamy thighs”.
  7. You like Steampunk stories with technology firmly based in logical worldbuilding and fully integrated into society, aesthetics, and every day life. No gluing on of gears here!
  8. You like an escape that whisks you out of your workaday world and sucks you in until the last page.
  9. You liked Baz Luhrman's Moulin Rouge and the thought of STEAMPUNK VAMPIRE MOULIN ROUGE curls your toes.
  10. You like France, art history, cabarets, absinthe, and catacombs full of bones.
  11. You like strong female characters who refuse to be swept around by life's currents but instead fight for their beliefs, friends, and rights, even when society pushes back.
  12. You like me.
  13. You like me enough to pay me for my stories so that I can keep writing books and buying cake.
  14. You like supporting artists who create original art.
  15. You like the idea of vampire poodles.
  16. You enjoy stories that include people of color and non-hetero characters.
  17. You like all of the above, in which WHY ARE WE NOT BESTIES?
  18. You look at the awesome cover by Tony Mauro and want to see what's behind those curtains.
  19. You want an excuse to buy corsets and/or top hats and cosplay interesting characters.
  20. You know that buying an author's book in the first week, whether as an e-book or paperback, is the best way to support them, tell the publisher that they need to buy more books from that author, and generally validate literature and bookstores as a whole.
  21. It makes a fantastic gift, whether for a friend, your mother, or your kid's teacher, who already has 1000 mugs with apples on them but could definitely use an escape from reality.
  22. You know that I'm always happy to sign your book at a con or event, squeal at you, draw your favorite vampire animal inside of the book, or send you a signed bookplate.
  23. You want to see more stories in the Blud universe, because that sort of decision is based strictly on numbers and I still have lots of fantastic ideas including buffalo-drawn chariots and cat-headed people building pyramids with gigantic clockwork camels.
  24. It's on sale right now, $6.83 for Kindle and $7.19 as a paperback.
  25. Because I had a hell of a fun time writing it and hope you'll love it. It's got references to The Princess Bride and other geeky pop-culture icons, art history Easter eggs, characters that veer far from whitewashed or straight-washed, a runaway elephant, and sexytimes on a trapeze. I dare you to find one other book that has all that in only 429 pages.

Joyeux anniversaire, WICKED AFTER MIDNIGHT! <3 p="">

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Contest WINNERS!

So the contest was: create any kind of image inspired by anything from the third Blud e-novella, THE DAMSEL AND THE DAGGERMAN. Tag me on Twitter or Facebook and use hashtag #damselanddaggerman. Three people would win a coveted advance copy of WICKED AFTER MIDNIGHT, the third Blud book, which is out January 28.

And here are the entries:

from Lynn Fredrick, designed by her daughter

from @MtBluebelle on Twitter

from Wendy Dagley on Twitter

from Margaret Cook on Twitter

from Melissa Gilbert on Twitter

from Hannah Hanson on Facebook

from Stephanie Constantin on Facebook


7 beautiful entries!

And the winners are:



That's right.

I'm so excited that y'all played along that all seven of you win an advance copy of WICKED AFTER MIDNIGHT! Just email your mailing address to criminystain (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll send you a signed copy of WICKED AFTER MIDNIGHT. And if you tell me your favorite animal, I'll hide a bludded one somewhere in the book, too!

Thanks for playing, y'all, and congrats to the seven winners!

If you didn't win this time around, you can still grab an advance copy from this Goodreads giveaway

Thanks, loves!


Friday, January 10, 2014

On costumes and that time someone thought I was a hooker.

Today, I dressed like Han Solo.

And you know what? I got sh*t done.

And that got me thinking.

See, one of my biggest personal dilemmas is, on the surface, a small one.

How do I dress for professional events?

On one hand, I want to be seen as a professional. I wish to project confidence, effectiveness, and assertiveness. I don't want to scare anyone away. I wouldn't want anyone to look at me and think, "That woman is as crazy as a bag of cats and probably can't hit deadlines." I am capable of writing in many genres and turning commissioned products around quickly, so I hope to look like I can handle anything and not pigeonhole myself into one area. I want to be respected for my work and also approachable to fans, colleagues, editors, and potential collaborators.

On the other hand, let's face it: I write steampunk vampire sexytimes books, books for young adults, and comics. I'm an avowed geek who can't help jumping up and down over my favorite books, movies, comics, and music. I love going to events and seeing friends and having fun. Although I'm very serious about my work and career, I'm not very serious about anything else.

And you know what? 
I love costumes.
I always have.

And that's why I torture myself whenever I pack for an event.

Because I want to wear my costumes. 

But I don't want to be punished for it.

Sometimes, I wear bright and tasteful versions of Victorian or steampunk attire with corsets, bustles, and skirts. They make me feel pretty and powerful and charismatic. Sometimes, I do one-offs, like my hipster Wonder Woman, gender-flipped Han Solo, or subtle Marceline the Vampire Queen. I am naturally introverted, so having a conversation starter is a big boon to me. It can also feel like putting on a persona, which gives me the strength to approach strangers, to smile bigger and invite interaction. And the costumes also give reticent readers a reason to approach me, because they always have something to talk about. Another bonus to dressing up is that it gives my fans a reason to dress up, too. My book launch parties are marvelous fun because people feel like they can be free to wear costumes, put on masks, and generally act weird in a publicly acceptable way.

And I love that!

But then, we get situations that look like this:

That's my first panel at Dragoncon last year, a roundtable of authors speaking on Pulp for the Alt History track. I was the only woman. There were four dudes scheduled, but seven showed up. And I was the only panelist in costume. As a woman, did that make me look silly or frivolous? Did my fellow panelists take me seriously? Did the audience look at me and look at them and decide that perhaps my work wasn't as legitimate or my voice wasn't as knowledgable? Did my costume give several of these dudes an extra incentive to try and talk over me-- emphasis on try? Which, yeah, they did.

Because gender issues as an author are unavoidable, and women have to be pretty tenacious to be heard on panels like this one. But of course, that opens another can of worms. What am I *supposed* to wear? Do I wear a geeky t-shirt and jeans? Because for most guys at a comic con, that's considered normal, but for a woman, it can be deemed sloppy. Do I wear business casual and feel fake and stuffy? Or do I wear a cute dress and run the risk of being propositioned for sex?

That's right. Someone at Dragoncon thought I was a HOOKER. Here's the outfit I was wearing at the time:

Yeah, I don't think Atlanta prostitutes spend that much on Polo dresses, handmade corsetry, and Sechelles heels.

So then I put on my favorite NERD shirt, and two different guys stopped me and told me that I wasn't, in fact, a nerd. Because I don't apparently don't look like a nerd.

So that's why I sometimes think it's best not to dress up or do anything geeky or interesting or fun at all. That I need to blend. To avoid standing out. Because it feels like no matter what I do, *someone* is going to say *something* that makes me feel like crap.

On the other hand, sometimes I dress up, and everyone dresses up, and we all have a marvelous time and feel fun and beautiful and clever and fantastically weird. Like at Princess Alethea's Traveling Sideshow hosted by author Alethea Kontis, also at last Dragoncon:

Same outfit as the first panel photo… but I look like I belong!

We were dressed up, the audience was dressed up, we threw candy at people and read from our books and performed. The room was lively and good-natured and not at all stiff and silent, as so many panels are. As if, once the doors closed, people could feel free to be themselves. Basically, when everyone dresses up, costumes are considered the norm. It's almost like, for that time, costumes are not actually costumes. They're just clothes. And being weird is totally normal, too.

Wouldn't that be a brilliant system?

I think it's very easy to forget that whatever you wear? Is your costume. If you wear a polo shirt and jeans every day, that's your costume. If you wear skirts and cardigans every day, that's your costume. If you wear full Victorian garb like my dear friend Leanna Renee Hieber or beautiful, sparkly corsets like Alethea Kontis, that's your costume

I made a New Year's Resolution that I wanted to be more myself this year, to be as weird as I want to be and dress as strangely as I like. And so far, I have. The big test will come when I'm packing for RT NOLA and Phoenix Comicon. 

Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm going to wear, then.

Does anyone else fight this fight? Do you feel like you wear your true costume-- or one of many costumes that express who you are? Do you have to hide your true self behind clothes you don't love to please other people or help your career?

I'd love to see more dialog on this topic from writers and readers regarding how an author's appearance affects your feelings toward their work, their thoughts, and what they have to say as a public speaker.

Will you share?



Y'all, I owe a big apology to two good friends of mine, James R. Tuck and John Hartness. They're both in that pic of the one-costumed-woman-and-seven-dudes panel at Dragoncon, but I failed to mention that they are true gentlemen who would put a smack down on anybody who spoke down to me, tried to hurt me, or otherwise was rude to me in any way. When I chose that picture, I was serving my own needs in showing an obvious image of the sort of challenges I feel I fight as a female author, but I neglected to serve the needs of men who stand for women like me, who believe that our voices are equally important. I'm 100% certain that they both offered me their chair just before the photo was taken, and as I was the last one to the panel, I didn't take it. I wasn't put on the end; I ended up there of my own volition.

When we talk about the problems of feminism in publishing, it can be easy to holler only about the negatives and just let the positives and victories go without saying. Having friends like Hartness and Tuck who would never treat a woman as anything less than an equal is one of the major victories, and I admire them and appreciate them both so much.

I'm sorry for not making that clear the first time, y'all. Thank you for always being there for me-- and all of us.

John Hartness is right next to me, and his books are here.
James R. Tuck is furthest away from me, and his books are here, and I get tattoos at his shop Forever Inked because it's awesome. Next time, I suspect he'll inflict even more hurtin' on me than that scarred tramp stamp  cover up over my spine, which he didn't actually do, but which I yelled at him for, anyway.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014


This one's not quite as fun as the original contest, but it is *easier*.

I'll happily personalize copies for anyone who wins!

Bonne chance!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wicked After Midnight by Delilah S. Dawson

Wicked After Midnight

by Delilah S. Dawson

Giveaway ends January 17, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.
Enter to win

Monday, January 6, 2014

THE DAMSEL AND THE DAGGERMAN Contest! Win the next Blud book!

A CONTEST! To celebrate this bit o' sexy:

And a brief, fun, easy contest, as stomach flu has struck my house. Looks like I won't be firing the cupcake cannon to celebrate today's release of THE DAMSEL AND THE DAGGERMAN, the third Blud e-novella. Click the link for a brief synopsis and to read the starred review by Library Journal. Personally, I believe it's the hottest novella I've written, and fans seem to think Marco is the new Criminy.

It's only $1.99 and is available across all e-platforms. If you don't have a reader, you can download a free Kindle or Nook app to your laptop, desktop, or phone!

Now, how can you win a signed early copy of the third Blud novel, WICKED AFTER MIDNIGHT?

Just post a piece of artwork that relates to something *in* The Damsel and the Daggerman or that somehow references the title. Here's my example:


You can draw a pic of the characters or Criminy's caravan, take a pic of your kids' Monster High doll being romanced by GI Joe, put on a costume like Jacinda, Emerlie, or Demi, or do something fun to the cover. Then post a pic of your creation on Twitter or Facebook with hashtag #DamselandDaggerman. If you're on Twitter, you can tag me, too, at @DelilahSDawson.

I'll repost as many as I can and pick my 3 favorites to receive an advance copy of WICKED AFTER MIDNIGHT, which is out 1/28. The deadline to enter is next Monday, January 13.

Good luck, and I hope you enjoy Jacinda and Marco!


Saturday, January 4, 2014

The Gift

This is what it's like to be me.

Oh, look! A package! 
And underneath the brown paper is a cute little snowman box. 
It might be those perfume samples I'm waiting on, 
or maybe something I'm supposed to review for Cool Mom Picks, 
maybe some hand-made soap or a coffee sample.


Huh. It's in a ton of bubble wrap. Is it a Christmas ornament or something? 


Oh, it's a skull.


I had totally forgotten I ordered a rabbit skull on Etsy 
for a steampunk hat for my book launch party on January 31. 
I hope I didn't use up all the metallic silver spray paint...


What's the weirdest thing you've ever gotten in the mail?

Monday, December 16, 2013

Twitter's Writing Conundrums, vol. 1

I asked Twitter if they had any burning writing questions. Here are the first five. Got another one? Ask in the comments, and I'll do another post later.


Because I'm on Prednisone and Codeine cough syrup, which means I'm full of energy and love for the world. And I also have a major case of the munchies, so don't grab for my Peppermint Patties unless you wish to draw back a nub. :)

The usual caveats: Answers come from my personal experience. Your mileage may vary. My way is not the only way. If you follow my links to Chuck Wendig's blog, prepare for NSFW vocabulary.

1. How do you know if a book is MG, YA, or Adult?

Here's a great post on this topic from Claire Legrand and WriteOnCon.

And here's my quickie version: Who will read and enjoy the book, and how old is the protagonist?

Middle Grade, or MG, is typically for ages 9-12 but might be read by kids as young as 7, considering kids usually read up. MG will have a character in the 10-13 range and have a plot that isn't too scary, doesn't have swearing, and doesn't focus on romance, although there might be some romantic thoughts. We're talking G to PG.

YA, on the other hand, is written for ages 13 and up but might be read by kids as young as 9. The protagonist is a teen, usually 16 or over, and it's often in first person and has an immediate and emotional point of view. There might be swearing, romance, and even sex, if you're getting into the higher teens. PG, PG-13.

On the fence between MG and YA? That's called Upper MG, and lots of kids want it.

NA, or New Adult, is a new sort of age range dealing on ages 18 and over and the concept of changing from a teen to an adult. It often includes a sexual awakening, intense feelings, and adult problems. R. Maybe even NC-17, if you get into Beautiful Bastard-type stuff.

Adult is… for adults. The protagonist can be any age, but the topics are mature.

The thing is, you write the book you write, and then an agent or editor can help you figure out the best way to sell the book and where it goes in the bookstore. I believe in writing the book you want to write first, then looking at where it would fit and tweaking it to fit there beautifully.

Note: There are always exceptions, and some of the best books speak to readers of many different age groups. Neil Gaiman writes books like that. If you're worried about stating the age range during querying, just take a guess. Your query and submitted pages will give the agent the best idea of how to sell it.

2. How do you deal with pacing?

Here's a great post from Janice Hardy on plot and pacing. Her entire blog is gold.

Personally, here's how I deal with pacing.

First of all, I read a ton of books, which means my brain understands the basic layout of a story. Introduction > instigating factor > disequilibrium > go after goal > climax > denouement. So when I'm thinking about my story seed and planning out my plot, I know the basic signposts. When I write a first draft, I write it straight through, letting it happen organically. When I edit that draft, I keep a page of longhand notes on what's missing, what needs to be connected, questions I might still have. When I do the third draft, I try to incorporate all the notes. And that's my fourth draft, which is the first one I feel I can look at critically to consider pacing.

I make an Excel spreadsheet on a chapter by chapter basis, noting how many pages the chapter has, what happens in it, and how exciting it is on a scale of 1 to 10. I don't want a bunch of 2s in a row, but I don't want a bunch of 9s either. I want to make sure that the reader will be excited and compelled to read on, but also that there are small periods of rest to help them catch their bearings. And when I'm reading, if I get bored, I make a note to fix it later. If the writer is bored, the reader will be, too.

To be quite honest, my pacing has gotten better with each book. Sometimes, it just takes lots of practice and absorbing other people's awesome stories. When you read the books that make you feel like you want your book to make others feel, you can replicate how that author achieves the tension that makes you keep reading.

Other tips:
* End each chapter with something that doesn't allow the reader to put down the book. A question, something scary, a footstep in the silent hall.
* Make sure your characters have secrets that will be revealed. Avoid info dumps and let their backstories and secrets come out naturally, like gumdrops along a path.
* Draw out the sexual tension. Draw out blackmail. People rarely say exactly what they mean, and your reader will dwell on every word for the payoff they want.
* When the payoff comes, give the reader proper time to enjoy it. Just a few beats. Not too long. Then on to the next question.

And your genre will also speak to pacing. Literary fiction will be slower than military scifi adventure. Teen contemporary will be slower than teen dystopian. The pacing should fit the subject matter.

3. How do you deal with writer's block?

For a long answer, read Chuck Wendig's post on 25 Ways to Defeat Writer's Block.

Personally, I haven't had writer's block since I started writing books. Once I became open to possibility, the problem became having too many ideas jockeying for attention. I think writer's block happened to me, when it did, because instead of hunting around for something fun to play with, I had this idea that there was a PERFECT IDEA that would yield THE PERFECT STORY that would appeal to EVERYONE ON EARTH and make A BAJILLION DOLLARS. And no idea was ever THE ONE. So I would find fault with every little weird idea instead of properly studying it and discovering what it might become.

I really saw this idea in action at my writers group, where we're given a story prompt and equal time to write before presenting to the group. From a broad prompt like "it's midnight" to a very narrow prompt like using the same first line, it's amazing how vastly different our resulting short stories were. What makes a story or book special isn't the beginning idea; it's your unique take on it, the story that sprung from you instead of any other person in the world. So when you see something that sparks you--a pic on tumblr or a snatch of conversation in a coffeehouse-- give it time, energy, and open-minded space to bloom. It doesn't need to be perfect; it needs to be interesting.

My YA, Servants of the Storm, (out next August) was entirely born of a photo set of Six Flags NOLA after the hurricane. I tag things that whisper about story ideas on tumblr with YOINK so I can find them later. There are ideas everywhere--you just have to settle on one and let it obsess you.

And then you have to pick one thread and write a story without thinking about all the stories you aren't writing or worrying if you're telling the wrong story, because there is no wrong story. Set a timer for 15 minutes and sit in front of your document. You're either writing, or you're thinking about your story. Don't do anything but write or think in that time. With enough time on task, you'll have a book. Sometimes, it doesn't feel magical, and the words don't come, and that's okay. Because sometimes, it will be pure magic. You just have to push through the times that writing feels like work.

4. How do you find beta readers?

When I was first starting out, I used the Blueboard (for picture books, MG, YA) and Absolute Write forums to find critique partners. Now, I have a stable of trusted friends who don't mind reading. You can also ask around on Twitter, Facebook, or on the Critique Partner Dating Service. What's important is that you're specific in what you're asking for and what you expect from them. And what you're willing to give back.

"Agented author seeking critique partner for a YA dystopian, full ms swap" is vastly different from "Need quick beta reader for MG, first book". A critique partner should be at the same writing level as you and willing to provide knowledgable criticism of plot, pacing, characters, timeline issues, grammar, and you must be willing to do the same for them. A beta reader, for me, is someone willing to read for free and out of the goodness of their heart, and I ask for any feedback they're willing to give. Which means sometimes I get an "It's good!" and sometimes I get a Word doc smothered in red, comments, and changes. And you never, ever complain to your beta readers. You thank them for whatever they give and use only what will level up your writing and your story.

So: find someone at your same level or a little bit above where you are, ask for specifics regarding what information you need from them, and be sure to be grateful and to return the favor.

5. How do you find the right opening line?

This one's tough! Sometimes, I know the opening line from the very start and it never changes. Sometimes I realize what it needs to be halfway through the first draft, or while editing another draft, or after my agent and I have talked over revisions. Sometimes it comes to me in the middle of writing, and sometimes I pop awake in the middle of the night. I know it's the right one when the urge to change it leaves. I know it when I see it.

Which means that when I don't see it, I know. But I don't let that stop me. I just start the story where it needs to be started and keep writing. You can always go back and change the first line, and it might come to you more naturally after you've gotten deeper in the story. What you utterly, absolutely cannot do is stare at a blank page and wait for the perfect first line to be whispered into your ear by the spirit owl of Anne Lamott as if the book can't happen until you unlock it with just the right words. The story is more important than the first line. It'll come when it's good and ready.


Hope that helps! Any other questions? Need further clarification or links? Ask in the comments.

Friday, December 13, 2013

So you want to write a book? YOU CAN. Stop waiting.

I was speaking at a book club holiday party last night, and more than one person quietly divulged that they had always wanted to write a book but never had. Still, they felt they would one day. And it occurs to me that most of the advice I see online for writers is aimed at people already in the trenches. And that maybe I should post something for people who are standing outside the Recruitment Office, staring at the posters and nibbling their mustaches and scared to death to step through that door.

You don't have to be a lifelong writer. You don't need a special college degree. You don't need to take any classes. You don't need to quit your job and move to the mountains to think. You don't have to have a dream in which Stephen King arrives, clad in gossamer with angel wings and taps you on the head with a quill. A writer is someone who writes, and you're just as qualified as anyone else. You have just as much spare time as anyone else, because we're all hopelessly, insanely busy. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

The secret is that you need to settle on an idea and think about it a long time before writing. The first time I sat down to write a book, I thought, "I'll write a book about mermaids!" But then I never wrote anything because I didn't know who the audience was, who the main character was, or what the plot was. But I had a great title and had already drawn a cover in Photoshop.


The next time I tried, I knew I was writing a women's fiction about a harried, dry-witted mom who won a cruise and accidentally boinked Zeus on a ferry. I knew she would have a cat fight with Hera, meet the fates, and be courted by various gods. I knew that, in the end, she would be back with her husband and happy for her life and would just see pegasi all the damn time. And once I knew that much, I was able to finally start writing just to connect the main points of interest.

Good plot? No. But it got me going. There is no Perfect Idea that will make it easy. You could spend your entire life trying to come up with something flawless. But you'll never get anything done. Pick something that you can spend a few months thinking about it and just ride that pony.

Whenever you can. Stop thinking about writing as this annoying work that you feel you must do. Think of it like a hobby, like taking a pottery class or fishing or watching a football game. It's great for your mind and soul and self-confidence. It's an activity with inherent worth. Get the support of the people around you and ask for their encouragement to help you meet your goals. Put it on the calendar. Schedule a babysitter. Or just wait until everyone else is asleep and instead of refreshing Facebook or watching Tivo, write.

You've been thinking about your story and know how it's going to begin. Once you've been running the opening scene in your head, you sit down and set a timer for, say, 15 minutes. Set your document to double-space with .5 indent and just write. Don't think too hard about word choice or typos or grammar at this point. Just give yourself the freedom to suck or be weird and let it happen. Don't think, "Wait, that's not right" or "This stinks!" or "Oh, no, wait, I need to go back." Self-editing is the enemy.

Probably not. The timer is more to make you spend the time on task. If the writing is flowing, keep going until the well runs dry. If it's not, save what you have, skip a few lines, and leave notes about things to think about, fix, or do tomorrow. For bonus points, end with something exciting that'll make your next writing session kick off with a bang.

In my experience, obsession drives writing. No matter what else you're doing, the story should be marinating in your imagination, and if you have impulses to encourage it, do. You might want to read some non-fiction on a related topic, do some crowd-sourcing, go on a day trip or take a class in blacksmithing. You might feel the urge to buy a pretty journal and pen and keep them with you to scribble things down. You might just want to build a music playlist that helps you dream. But in order for a book to happen, it needs loving encouragement.

And as I have two children under seven, a husband, and another job, believe me when I tell you that I know what it's like to be so busy you can't think straight. You might have to make a sacrifice. I don't watch TV, and when I'm in first draft mode, I don't instigate plans with friends. Obsession will take its toll, but for me, the self-confidence and power I feel when writing is worth it. And you can always invite your friends over for champagne and cupcakes when you finish your first draft.

Well, why would it be? If this is your first book, you have no right to be awesome at writing it. Much like any skill, you must practice. Stephen King says it takes 1,000,000 words written to gain competence as a writer. Or as Jake on Adventure Time says, "Sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something." And just like shooting baskets or centering clay, there's great value to be found in practice. Sadly, most of society doesn't appreciate the value in bad writing, but as someone who did a lot of bad writing before I moved into not-wretched writing and then into hey, this isn't bad writing, I value it.

There's an easy way to avoid this feeling: Don't read your first draft until it's done. You'll just depress yourself. Hell, I depress myself. That's why I advocate going straight through to the end and cleaning up later. You can't edit a blank document.

Just… no.
This is a very bad idea.

Either they read it and love it and tell you how amazing you are, in which case you believe it and will crash hard the first time you receive legit criticism….

Or they read it and don't like it or tell you what's wrong with it or mark it up with red pen and completely kill your spirit and your writing mojo.

Do you see? There's no good ending here.

Just tell them you can't wait to show them the finished product, but you want it to be just right first.

The secret is that you never have to show anyone, if you don't want to.

And if you want to? Have it printed up and make a fun cover for it. There's no feeling like watching someone read your book for the first time.

Every day, set that timer for 15 minutes or whatever other arbitrary span you decide your busy schedule will allow. If you write four words? Great. You sat there for 15 minutes and thought about your story. If you wrote 200 words? Awesome. That's the length of an AP English essay, and few people write those over the age of 19, if ever. If you write a ton? *GOLF CLAPS* You're doing it! You're writing a book!

Some days will be 4 words, some will be 400, some might be 4000. That's normal. Keep going.

Until it's done.

And keep in mind that a first draft might be considerably shorter or longer than it should be. With your first book, I advocate aiming for 50-80 thousand words. That's a pretty manageable size and works out to around 200-250 pages, I think. I like to email a copy to myself every 20 pages or so as insurance against computer crashes. Some people I know use Dropbox, but I prefer email pings.

And at 100 pages, your significant other is legally required to take you out for tacos and margaritas. Don't ask me why. I don't make the rules. Just enjoy it. 100 pages is a big landmark.

You can. I mean, it's your life. But everything that's worth something is hard. Running a marathon is hard. Learning to play chess is hard. Figuring out how to ride a bike is hard. And there's a point, almost always, in every difficult endeavor, when you think… THIS SUCKS AND I WANT TO QUIT.

And you know what? I'll say it. Quitting isn't always bad. If you don't get any joy whatsoever out of writing, no rush or hopeful buzz when you figure something out, then there's no reason to do it. If you want to write a book to impress someone, to make a million dollars like that 50 Shades lady, or to gain stardom, then that might not be enough of an impetus to push you, crawling, through the quagmire of suck.

To finish writing a book, you must love that book, and when it gets hard, you have to keep going.

But here's a secret: for almost every writer and almost every book, there is a point at which they stop and say THIS SUCKS AND I WANT TO QUIT. Some people call it Saggy Middle Syndrome. For me, it usually hits about 60% through, when all the newness has worn off but the story isn't rolling downhill at breakneck speed yet. That's when I have my 4-word days and play on Twitter too much. But I keep going anyway. You can, too. Set the timer, sit there, and do the best you can.

11. I DID IT. I WROTE A BOOK! (If you didn't, skip to 13. It an't over, baby.)
Good for you! Rename your doc as MYAWESOMEBOOK_V2 and close it. No matter what else happens in your life, if you edit your book and pursue a professional career in publishing or if you shove it in a drawer or set it on fire, you've written a book. Millions of people every day wish they could do what you have just done. You are part of an elite fraternity of crazy people continuing the tradition of storytelling, of crafting magic from nothing.

They used to burn people at the stake for that sort of thing.

Now you have several choices. If you want to rest on your laurels and pursue something else, then go and do that. Even if you just want to take a break without that stupid timer, go for it. But if you want to see just how great your book can become, then sit down with a notebook and start reading what you've written. You might see issues immediately, especially considering that with the Write Straight Through method, you know your characters way better at the end and will often find the beginning shaky or incomplete. If you've saved the old draft, feel free to make changes in the new draft. Make notes to yourself about things to change overall or worry about later. And if you start reading and get bored or sick of it, put it down and go live life for a couple of weeks. It'll look different with fresh eyes.

No, it is not.
Your book baby, if it's anything like my first drafts, is riddled with typos and cliches and adverbs and characters who change over the course of the book. With my first book, I was scared to mess it up and make it worse. But you know what? I've been writing for four years now, and I've never regretted hitting the delete button.

One way to free yourself from this worry is to be savvy about saving drafts. My first draft is MYAWESOMEBOOK. Then I start doing edits on MYAWESOMEBOOK_V2. When that's done, I do big revising in MYAWESOMEBOOK_V4. And somewhere after MYAWESOMEBOOK_V11, I save MYAWESOMEBOOK_FINAL.

If you save your drafts as you go along, you can always go back and retrieve something you're scared to change or delete. I also email each draft to myself as I go in case my computer crashes. And if I do a major rewrite or add 20 pages, I email that. I've gotten to enjoy hitting the delete key, but I definitely don't want to lose 3 days of work accidentally.

First of all, if you didn't make it through your first book, there's absolutely nothing wrong with shelving it, putting it away for later, ripping it up for parts, or starting over. False starts are very common with new writers when they realize that an idea isn't enough to drive the entire book. Read other books that excite you. Start thinking of new story ideas or ways to revamp what you *do* have into a broader narrative. It isn't over until you quit writing. And you never have to quit writing. Plenty of people make a living writing short fiction, webcomics, and non-fiction. Writing is writing. You can always start again.

On the other hand, if you've pumped out that first draft, you've leveled up. Congratulations! I suggest hitting my Resources page to savvy up on editing, querying, agents, writing blogs, that sort of thing. My 25 Steps to Being a Traditionally Published Author post might be especially helpful. In any case, you've done the impossible, and for that you are mighty.

Now go celebrate again. I suggest cake.


Wednesday, November 27, 2013

11 Ways to Level Up Your Writing

*cracks open Writer's Toolbox*

*wonders why there's a banana inside*

*tries to make a call on the banana phone*

*fails, eats banana*

Ahem. Here are some tools that might help you finesse your writing, if you're still looking for ways to take it to the next level. As ever, this list is not definitive. There are good times to break the rules. Your mileage may vary. But I've discovered them all *since* I wrote my first book in 2009. They might seem obvious to you, but they've helped me, and I hope they'll help you.

1. Kill dialog tags whenever possible.
"Said" is the only acceptable one. Try to kill that, too. For example:
NO = "I'm going to do it," he said.
YES = Ferdinand crossed his huge arms and nodded. "I'll do it."

2. Kill adverbs. Replace them with beautiful writing.
Especially kill adverbs when added to dialog tags. (She exclaimed self-righteously.)
NO = The old man stood painfully and carefully walked to the kitchen.
YES = Helga groaned, her bones cracking like popcorn as she navigated the cramped hallway.

3. Kill all instances of these words: feel, see, smell, hear.
Of course the character is sensing something. It's in their POV, isn't it?
NO = Leo could see the tiger mauling his pet parrot, and he could hear the rending flesh splatter against the wall.
YES = The tiger's teeth ripped into Mr. Cheeky, the scent of copper pennies and raw chicken sending Leo into a gagging fit.

4. Don't end a chapter on a note of complete comfort.
It gives the reader a great place to stop reading. And we don't want them to stop reading.
NO = She fell asleep in Lord Wolfington's arms, sated and happy.
YES = She fell asleep in Lord Wolfington's arms, sated and happy except for the strangest feeling that she'd forgotten something terribly important. In the morning, her maid had disappeared.

5. Become a master at communicating important details with just a few words.
NO = The burgundy and black damask wallpaper was ripped and torn, showing scarred wood beneath it that matched the destroyed furniture and pockmarked floors, all of which had once given the appearance of wealth and abundance.
YES = She hated waiting, especially in a sitting room that so obviously displayed Lord Wolfington's inner darkness, thanks to claw-torn wallpaper and a well-gnawed chaise.

6. Try not to use the same word twice within a two-page spread.
Obviously, "the" and "a" don't count. We're mainly talking noticeable things.
NO = The carnival called to her, from the sound of carnies shilling their wares to the merry song of the calliope to the alluring scent of carnival goodies.
YES = The carnival called to her, from the barker's harsh cawing to the merry song of the carousel to the alluring scent of funnel cake and popcorn.

7. Your ego will try to insert itself into the manuscript, especially in the form of exceptionally clever similes and metaphors. Kill them.
This is what they mean by "killing your darlings". Every time you revise, you'll ponder these phrases. At first, you'll be proud. Then they'll start to grate on you, but you won't want to remove them. This is the sign that they need to die. If you're Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, you might be able to get away with it.
NO =  The mermaid looked a lot like Goldie Hawn, and not just because of the fish lips and her tendency to be thrown overboard by men wearing eye patches.

8. To up the tension, add a ticking clock.
My agent taught me this one. If the story is just plodding along, add The Big Game and a football scout, a departure time for that big cross-country move, or a date by which Lord Wolfington must be married to inherit his fortune.
NO = "Your happiness is important to me, Linnea. I shall support you even should you become a spinster and haunt my attic forever."
YES = "By God, I am finished with your mucking about in the laboratory, Linnea. You will find a husband by Michaelmas, or I shall put you up for auction!"

9. Torture your character in ways big and small.
Complacent and comfortable aren't exciting. Although the reader needs an occasional win, disequilibrium is interesting and moves the story along. Discover their greatest fear and use it against them.
NO = Lulu was doing fine in school, she loved her job at the GAP, and her grandmother had the body of a forty-year old.
YES = Lulu's chemistry grade had taken a plunge, thanks to a misunderstanding with moles, which meant she spent most of her shift at the GAP studying in a dressing room and praying Chase didn't catch her and fire her. She needed that money to help pay for Grammy's meds, which only seemed to cost more as time went by.

10. Make a spreadsheet and plot out the story to make sure it's interesting.
When you're in the muck of the story, it can be hard to see the big picture. Make a spreadsheet and break it down by chapter. Make columns for what happens in the chapter, what the biggest revelation is, and how exciting it is. On a scale of 1 to 5 for excitement, you don't want a bunch of 2s all in a row, but you don't want a bunch of 10s, either. Check out this post by Chuck Wendig for more discussion. Your plot shouldn't be a straight line, but everything in it should mean something.

11. Think about sentence length.
The first sentence has more punch if it's short. Then you can draw one out, craft it lovingly, focus on the rhythm and beauty of the words. Maybe the next one is of middling length. Maybe not. In any case, you'll notice that there are sentences of a variety of lengths in this very paragraph, and that they start off in different ways, some with "the" and some with "maybe" and one with "in any case". You should always keep this tip in mind. The reader's mind wants to dance with you.